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I asked a good friend who is mixed race, “How do I start dating black people?
I didn’t recognize myself in the portrayals of black life I saw in pop culture, the few other black kids at my schools couldn’t understand why I “talked so white,” and nobody got why my first celebrity crush was Jeff Goldblum in (so scary, so sweaty, so sexy—am I right? And while I went full Becky in my youth, my older brother fell deep into Asian culture—Asian drag racing and, yes, Asian girlfriends.Therefore, she was keeping herself from seeing the men who actually did want to date her.But after doing some research on the connection between a black woman’s marriageability and her skin color, I realized that this woman was giving voice to a dating problem many melanin-rich women have encountered: colorism Colorism is defined as discrimination against darker-skinned people, especially among members of the same ethnic or racial group.I was stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway, listening to , when I had “the moment.” It was 2014, and the video of Eric Garner dying in Staten Island after a police choke hold had just surfaced. That was a big deal for me—and it was the moment I realized how much I do have in common with people of color.All of these people were calling in to say that Garner had been breaking the law, he was resisting, the police officer was right to do what he did. And if I believed the police should judge each situation free of bias, then I had to look at my own dating decisions that way too.